She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
