I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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