Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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