She's JV to your varsity
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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