Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
