Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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