no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
