How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
