five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
