Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
