Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
