My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
