So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize