New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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