All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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