What a fucking waste of an outfit
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
