My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
