Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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