You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
