Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
