I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
