did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
