i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize