I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I will pee on everything he values.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
