I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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