I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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