He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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