At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Vodka?
Forever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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