he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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