Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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