I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
