How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
