Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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