Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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