Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
