I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
