She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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