We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
