i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
