I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
