Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Shame - the story of my life.
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