so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
