He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
