apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
