Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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