So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize