Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
