The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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