Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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