She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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