yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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