its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize