I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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