i don't like sucking hair
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
