just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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