Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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