Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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