I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
