fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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