HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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