fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
