I just threw up on my dentist
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
