do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
