You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
