I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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