Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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