I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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