The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
