Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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