I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize