I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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