You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
